No one else's eyes ON HOLD FOR EDITION
by Fire Written Songs
Summary: Love is hard, feelings are fragile, didn't you realize that? Paige and Emily love each other, can their love remain through distance and time? Of course it could, but love is a price. You need to fight for it.
1. Prologue

The light streamed through Emily´s window. Emily shifted and felt the warm body pressed against her chest. Her legs were tangled with the other girl´s. She took a moment just to look at her. She smiled _God, she is beautiful_. Emily knew the girl was awake too, even though Paige had her eyes closed, Emily knew her too well, she was probably just trying to believe that **_last night_** had been real.

"Paige?" Emily whispered to the girl who lied in her arms.

"Yeah?" the girl answered with her eyes closed and her head resting on her lover´s chest after she had given herself completely to Emily Fields.

"I love you." Emily said firmly before placing a soft kiss over Paige´s head and closing her eyes, taking the other girl´s scent in.

Paige took a deep breathe, analyzing the words she had just heard. She sighed loudly, reluctant to open her eyes; Emily Fields had just told her that she loved her, but Paige couldn´t believe it; she had always felt that every time she was with Emily, every time she touched her, every time she felt her breathe on her skin, every time Emily just stared at her, every time Emily smiled because of something that she had said, all those little things made her feel like she was going to wake up on her bed, three months earlier without Emily; but now… _this is real_, she thought, _this is actually happening_. Paige wrapped her right arm around Emily´s waist and rested her head on Emily´s shoulder- the one resting on the pillow.

Emily smiled knowing what the other girl could be thinking. She hugged the girl tighter and got closer to the other girl´s face. "Paige?" She said again, both of them opened their eyes and looked at each other "Yeah?" said Paige.

"I love you." Emily said again, caressing Paige´s cheek, Paige closing her eyes at the contact.

But in moments like this one, when everything seemed to be perfect, they were dragged out of that dream they were sharing. _This is wrong_, Paige kept hearing inside her head, _I shouldn´t have done this_.

_I´m Going to hell_, Emily thought, _I have always had that passage that is going to send me straight to hell. But, God I love her; I´m so in love with her. _

Being in love is so different from loving, but some people don´t get that. You can love your parents, your friends, your can´t be in love with two people at the same time. When you fall in love you could do anything for that person if that´s what will keep their soul and heart safe, even if to do it, you will have to let them go. And Emily was in love with Paige, but she was scared, scared that if she came out, she would make Paige suffer. She was terrified of losing her, and terrified of hurting her.

_**So... what do you guys think? Should I continue?**_


	2. I wish

**Author´s note/**_Hey guys, I´m back. Chapter 2 is here :) hope you enjoy. Thank you so much for the reviews, follows and favorites. Please let me know if you want me to continue._

* * *

"Your turn, Emily" Emily obeyed immediately at Dorothy´s orders. Dorothy, their art teacher, kept yelling. "Paige, move closer to Fields." She took Paige´s arms and moved her so that she was right behind Emily. Just a few more inches and her front would reach Emily´s back. The room was almost in complete darkness; bright enough to catch a glimpse of the shadows. Dorothy had dark hair; she was short and had amazing green eyes. "Paige…" She said annoyed and moved Paige a little bit more. That was when her front touched Emily, and the girl in front of Paige gasped. Paige couldn´t help but take Emily´s scent in and sighing. She was addicted to Emily´s perfume, she wouldn´t get tired of it. "Okay… Emily, raise both of your arms," Dorothy said and Emily obeyed "Paige, your hands on Emily´s waist," Paige was trying not to spin Emily around and kiss her. The want was consuming her. The bell rang and Paige pulled away hastily. Emily felt a twinge on her heart when she felt that Paige pulled away from her like that. Paige saw the pain on Emily´s face and just couldn´t stand to see her like that, that´s why she ran away. Again; like every time she saw Emily after _that night_. She knew that what they did hadn´t been right, but deep inside of her very soul, she knew she would never take it back. She could never just take it back. Paige leaned to take her bag, which was lying on the floor, next to Emily´s. When she reached it, her hand grazed Emily´s soft skin, while the other girl was picking up her bag as well. Emily´s eyes met hers; Emily just mumbled a _sorry _and looked away. Paige simply nodded and got out of the room. Emily waited a while to get out of the, no longer dark, room. All the other guys were picking their up their bags and storming out of the room, the noise disappearing.

When Emily stormed out of the room with puffy eyes and a broken heart, she ran to the restroom and locked herself inside one of the cubicles. She started sobbing uncontrollably with her back against the door. She slid down to sit on the cold floor. She knew that maybe she was just overreacting but she was afraid that Paige´s sudden reluctance to be around her could be the beginning of the end. _I´m sorry, Paige_, she kept whispering between sobs. The crazy thing was that she would never be sorry about what happened. She was just sorry about how what happened was affecting Paige. She heard Paige´s voice calling her name, only it wasn´t Paige. It was Emily´s own mind. She heard Paige saying her name like when they had first kissed. _Emily_, Paige had simply said, before she connected their lips for the first time for real. It had been amazing… quick, hurried, and short, but perfect. Emily smiled, tears rushing down her face once again, while she stared at the ceiling and tried to remember the exact same feeling she felt that day after swimming practice.

After a while of thinking, crying more and remembering, she wiped her tears away, blew her nose and stood up. She checked her phone; _is it really seven? _she thought. She saw Hanna´s name all over the phone´s screen, rolled it down and saw her name; Paige´s name; one voicemail. She didn´t want to open it, frightened by what it might say. She locked her phone again and started walking towards Rosewood High´s exit. She opened the huge door and looked up. The clouds were dark, she was certain that it was going to rain.

When Emily got home, she changed into sweatpants and a loosen t-shirt, threw her sneakers to her closet and let herself fall over her window seat. She moved until she found a comfortable position; She did, but something was missing. _Someone_ was missing. She couldn´t stay there any longer and walked to her bed. She sat down and took her phone. She found a message from Paige.

**_Please call me back, Em; I´m starting to get worried. I will make it up to you; I´m so sorry. _**

**_I have dinner with Connor tonight, maybe breakfast? Tomorrow 7am? Just text me an "okay" to let me know or just a "go to hell" please. Sleep tight, honey._**

**_Love you._**

**_-Paige._**

Emily smiled at the last two sentences, but when she re-read the text, her smile vanished. She had almost forgotten Connor, Paige´s boyfriend… officially. Connor was what made Emily Paige´s secret lover. Paige´s lips weren´t just hers, Paige´s hair wasn´t just hers, Paige´s eyes weren´t just hers. She had to share them; share her with a guy, and that made her feel like crap. Her world came crumbling down; she had to share Paige´s eyes. Those eyes; the eyes Emily couldn´t stop staring at when she had enough time, but… it was never enough time.

The girl shook her head, closed her eyes and collapsed against her pillow, groaning. She fell asleep, not before texting to Paige.

**_Okay, go to hell, sweetie, I love you._**

**_-Emily._**

Paige felt that her phone buzzed and looked at Connor, who was sitting across her, next to his mother, while his father sat on the head of the table. They hadn´t noticed so she opened the text and smiled, she was slightly confused though she knew it most likely meant a yes. Her stomach fluttered as she read the last three words.

After a long night with Connor and his parents, Paige was riding her bike home but something stopped her; the bench in the park. It was the bench where Paige and Emily had shared their first kiss. She climbed off her bike. Paige felt raindrops starting to fall. She looked up and closed her eyes. She didn´t have an umbrella, but she didn´t care. After a while, it started to rain harder and Paige approached to the nearest tree she found, in order to cover herself from the rain. She waited for another fifteen minutes or so and she decided to ride home. She walked away from the tree. She could barely see the bench. There was someone sitting there. She caught a glimpse of her bike and walked towards it. She heard a voice, only she couldn´t understand anything. She heard it again. When she stooped to reach her bike, which was just as soaked as her, she stopped feeling the rain falling. Paige stood up and saw Emily´s perfect face, just inches away from her. Emily was sheltering both of them with a black, small sized umbrella. "Needing an umbrella, Paigey?" Emily said, loudly teasing the other girl.

"You know that I don´t like it when you call me that." Emily smiled and kissed Paige´s nose. Paige closed her eyes and felt Emily´s hot breath on her skin.

They started walking, leaving Paige´s bike; they weren´t leaving just yet. Emily walked a little bit faster, leaving Paige behind. She turned around, looked at Paige and started spinning around like crazy. When she stopped, she saw Paige glaring at her, furiously. Then it became a teasing glare and Paige ran to Emily, the other girl opening her eyes widely in anticipation, and turned around. Paige´s arms surrounded her; Emily had already dropped the umbrella. "You are so dead," Paige said near to Emily´s ear and bit it softly groaning and made Emily yell, annoyed,"Paige!" Paige hugged her tight, still facing Emily´s back. Emily kept moving, trying to make the other girl to let go of her. Both of them were laughing hard. Their constant movements, made them stumble and fall on the wet grass. Emily fell over Paige but the other girl moved her so that she was lying on the grass next to her. They were impossibly close. Paige and Emily locked eyes for what seemed like ages, but they couldn´t get tired of it. Emily placed a loose strand of Paige´s hair behind her ear, and Paige closed her eyes at the touch. Emily caressed Paige´s cheek, making Paige shiver. She pulled her in for a soft, lingering kiss. Paige responded with passion, but keeping it sweet and slow. Emily pulled away and rested their foreheads together. "I wish that your lips were just mine" Emily whispered with her eyes closed.

"They are yours," Paige said kissing Emily once again. When she pulled away, Emily had her eyes still closed. She shook her head

"Connor…" Paige cut her "They belong to you." Emily bit her lip and smiled. _I wish that your eyes were just mine_.


	3. Your Song- Oh Shit!

**Author´s note/**_Hey, guys! Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows, I really appreciate it. Here you go! Chapter three. Now I am really looking forward with this story. Please correct any grammar or spelling mistakes in the story. Sorry I am late._

_I am going to introduce a little bit of music too. Hope you like it :) Is it too short? To hurried? Is it good? Should I write it again? Please let me know. _**Still need to edit!**

**_"Every time I tried to tell you,  
The words just came out wrong,  
So I'll have to say I love you in a song"_**

**_(Jim Croce)_**

Emily smiled when she opened her eyes next morning. She and Paige had walked, hand in hand, toward Emily's house. Neither Paige nor Emily had been scared, not because they didn´t care or they weren´t afraid of admitting who they were, they just felt comfortable because nobody was around. Emily knew that if Paige had seen someone or just heard something, she would have pulled away immediately and would have left her alone, but she also knew that she would have done the exact same thing. She could still feel the raindrops falling over her, and Paige´s lips grazing her own. She sat up on her bed, took one of her hands to her mouth and grazed her own lips with it. She smiled, trying to remember every single detail of the previous night. After a while, Emily looked at her clock; Sat 10/04/2012- 6:35. Emily groaned loudly, letting herself fall again over her bed. _Goddammit, Paige! Why do you have to be a morning person?_ Emily thought. She was still tired, but she had Sunday to sleep, school had given them Monday, and she was already done with homework, therefore she had plenty time to do whatever she wanted to. She somehow pulled herself out of bed and walked to the bathroom, which was located outside her room. She took a short shower and got dressed in fifteen minutes. Breakfasts with Paige were usually between five and seven.

After breakfast they settled for swimming, something both enjoyed to do, just as acting or playing music; both of them different instruments but same passion. When they swam together, they connected. It was sort of **_their thing _**and no one was ever going to take that away from them; Ever.

The same day, after noon, Paige was sitting on Connor´s porch, next to him, trying to pretend that she was listening to whatever he could possibly be talking about; that meant: Football, the way she looked, the way he wanted her to look, sex and just a few times about swimming. She was so tired… but she couldn´t do anything about it; she didn't want to. She wished that she could just make people know she was gay without having to say it out loud. She couldn't. She wished that people could let her and Emily be._ Emily, my love_, She didn't want to waste more time without being able to tell the world how much she loved that girl, but fear was consuming her. "So… what do you think, babe?" Connor said, dragging Paige out of her thoughts.

"About what?" she said, yawning.

Connor glared at her and then rolled his eyes, "Do you ever listen to me?" He quizzed annoyed and groaned. She never really did, it was not like it was with Emily; even when Emily would not shut up, Paige would listen to every single word she said.

"Sorry, I am just tired," Paige said as an excuse, looking at the floor ashamed, and then at Connor, "Fine, we will talk about that later or something…" Connor said, hugged Paige and kissed her cheek. He had something in mind… something Paige wouldn't know; not yet. Something they would both regret. Something wicked.

Connor had basketball practice and that was how Paige finally got rid of him for the day. She was standing next to the front door of Sydney´s house. Sydney had been Paige´s friend since eighth grade. She was short, had a light tone of skin with freckles, full lips, dark hair, and was a swimmer just like Paige and Emily. They used to practice together but they stopped when the two girls had decided to disguise that they were together. That had been the main reason why Emily practiced with Toby and Ben and Paige with Connor and Sydney.

Paige took out her phone from her pocket, and then dialed Sydney´s number. She hadn't told Emily… she had not told the right way anyway; she had to say it_. Just three words, Paige_.

Emily was cleaning up her room when her mom came in. Emily looked at her, feeling nervous like ever since three months ago. "Emily, Coach Morgan called, she wants to tell you something," Pam Fields said, smiling kindly at her daughter.

Emily groaned, "Couldn't she wait until Tuesday?" Emily said, throwing herself on her bed.

Emily´s mother was leaning on the door and staring at her daughter before letting out a huge sigh "She said it is important."

Emily sat down on the bed, groaning again,"Alright, I will go."

After Emily talked to her coach and walked out of her office with a huge smile on her face, her phone buzzed. She stopped in her tracks and took her phone out of her pocket. She smiled as she saw the text she had just received.

**_Hi, love. Come to our spot… you know… the old one… at school… I want to show you something. You know… just come._**

**_I´ll be waiting for you, beautiful._**

**_ -Paige_**

Paige had not forgotten about their spot. The spot of when they were fifteen. Details like those were the ones that made Emily-if that was even possible- fall harder for Paige every day.

When Emily arrived to the small room, she looked around and spotted the piano. That was where Paige practiced, because she didn't have her own. Emily´s gaze was pasted on the piano when she felt arms wrapping around her waist. Emily recognized Paige´s scent. She was holding a bouquet of beautiful yellow flowers with one of her hands. Emily smiled as Paige kissed her neck. "Hi." Paige breathed on Emily´s neck, making the other girl shiver. She turned Emily around, taking hold of both of her hands and guiding her to the piano. They both sat on a bench located there and Emily raised an eyebrow, looking at Paige.

Paige started playing a song but that was not what surprised Emily, what surprised Emily was that Paige had started singing too.

The lyrics didn't really matter... It was the way they connected... The way they didn't even need to speak; just a look; just a smile; just a touch.

The vibrations of Paige`s voice and the piano notes made Emily`s skin freeze.

When Paige played the last note, Emily felt as tears flooded in her eyes. It was not only the fact that she loved the song, but also the fact that she knew that Paige had surely spent a lot of time, effort and love trying to get the right notes in the piano. On the other hand, Paige´s voice; Emily knew it was the sweetest voice she had ever heard. It was not like an artist´s kind of voice; Paige´s voice sounded so natural, kind of raspy but that made it so… unique and wonderful. Paige noticed that Emily was crying and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. Emily leant into Paige, resting her head on the other girl´s shoulder. They remained silent for a few minutes until Paige finally spoke, "I love you," it came out as a whisper but she had said it firmly. Emily looked into her eyes and said, "I love you too," Emily felt like she was going to break down, "Forever." She whispered, closing her eyes. When Paige heard that, she knew she could not hide forever. "Forever´s a long time…" her voice cracked, "Not even long… it is impossible…"

"I don't think so…"

"You can´t love me forever, Em…" Paige was now crying. "I don't deserve that."

"Of course you do." Emily couldn't believe Paige sometimes, "You deserve it because life is letting you have it," Emily moved closer to Paige and rested her forehead against Paige´s cheek –a little gesture she was used to do when Paige was upset and it always seemed to work- she placed a kiss over her skin. Paige turned so that their foreheads were resting together. "I'm just scared that maybe…"

"Hush…" Emily said, cupping Paige´s cheeks. "We will get through this, okay?" Paige nodded and closed her eyes, frowning. Emily pecked Paige´s lips and closed her eyes as well, breathing evenly. She was close enough to feel Paige´s breath over her lips and couldn't help but kiss her again, this time, Paige responding with more passion, her lust mirrored in her actions. She placed Emily softly over the bench they had sat on, placing each one of her legs at one side of Emily´s body. She saw a shadow on the floor. _Shit_. She raised her gaze and found Sydney staring at them with her eyes wide open.


	4. Gloom

Sydney was walking around Rosewood High´s halls, still looking for Paige after about half an hour. She knew she was in the wrong direction, but she kept looking anyway.

When she got to the music room, she heard quiet sobs and recognized Paige's voice but she didn't see anyone around. She kept hearing them though. "Hush…" She heard, _that's definitely Emily's voice, she thought. _Sydney followed the sounds and found an open door. She got through it; nothing. She saw another door right next to the one she had just opened. The door was half open so she moved forward; pushing the door in order to open it and she saw them. Paige was over Emily on the bench and she was… kissing her. Sydney took a minute to look at them. _I was definitely not expecting that. Is Paige kissing Emily?_ She stood there frozen and couldn't help but smile. It felt weird though, her two best friends sharing that kind of intimate _gesture._

She leaned against the door frame and Paige finally caught her staring. Paige opened her eyes wide and her mouth opened. She instantly pulled away from Emily and the other girl looked at Sydney as she realized what had just happened.

Sydney started to feel angry once she realized that they hadn't told her. They weren't going to tell her.

Paige couldn't believe that Sydney had actually seen them. She stood up and walked over to Sydney. "Syd…" Paige began to say.

"Were you even planning on telling me?" Sydney interrupted Paige as Emily walked towards them. "Emily?" Emily´s gaze found the floor and both Emily and Paige stood silently reluctant to say something. "Oh… I see," she said and Paige felt guilty at how broken she sounded. "You know what? Forget about it." Sydney turned around full of rage but stopped in her tracks and turned around to face them once again. "And no, I'm not going to say a thing." She left, leaving Paige and Emily speechless. They looked at each other and Emily smiled sadly. Paige took hold of her hand, offering a reassuring smile and leading her out of Rosewood High.

It was really dark when they got to Emily's front porch. She turned Paige around before they got to the steps and pecked her lips. Once she had pulled away, Paige looked around trying to make sure that nobody had seen them. That had become frequent lately; Paige would look away when someone was just passing by, let go of Emily's hand and act like a total stranger. Emily felt her heart breaking and her eyes watered. She looked directly into Paige's eyes and saw her own feelings reflected there; Pain, fear, confusion, guilt and love; the last mentioned being the most important of them._ Why does it have to be this way?_ "Goodnight." Emily said keeping all of her thoughts inside of her head, feeling as they became a tight nod inside her throat and walked towards the door.

"Goodnight, Em," Paige whispered and saw as Emily opened the door and looked at her for one last time. When the door closed she couldn't help but let the tears she had been holding, roll down her cheeks. _I'm sorry, Emily._

Alison opened her eyes wide and didn't wait a single second to take a picture with her phone. She smirked at the sight of the two girls and couldn't help but let out a little laugh. _This is going to be epic. _

Once she got home, Alison took out her phone and rolled down her contacts until she found him; Connor Blue. She attached the image: _The perks of being always watching. Watch out! Your girlfriend´s best friend may have fallen hard for her. Kisses –A _

Alison signed as she was used to. _I told you that you were going to pay, pigskin._

Next day wasn't any better. Emily was walking through Rosewood High´s halls as she usually did but something unusual happened. Emily walked to the lockers and when she got to hers, she found Connor leaning against it and talking to some guys. She stopped right in front of him. "Connor, could you please move?" He started laughing at something that Ben, who was on the swimming team, had just said. "Connor," She said louder and got his attention. He looked at her, frowned and smiled teasingly. "Can you move away? That's my locker," She pointed at the locker. He started laughing loudly. "Are you sure that you want your locker back?" He moved his face closer to Emily's and whispered "Then stay away from her," his voice sounded so full of hate… _How would he…? Does he…? Oh my God… _Emily opened her eyes widely as the realization hit her. _Sydney._ She was just starting to walk away when she felt a twinge of pain on her wrist and turned around. Connor was holding her in place "We have some things to talk about, don't we?" He said his big, black eyes full of hate and ire. The other guys that had been with him were gone, except from Ben and Sean. The three of them were looking at her mockingly. Emily felt fear growing inside of her.

It all happened too fast… she was now lying on the cold floor of a dark room. She didn't even know where she was or how had she gotten there. She was so confused and started to get desperate… she felt a warm liquid on her cheek and, almost instantly, she had put her hand over it. She felt a burning feeling and closed her eyes, frowning in pain. She felt as tears welled up in her eyes. "Did she pass out?" said Ben's voice and shocked Emily a little "What are we going to do now?" said Sean walking all around the room, making Emily even more nervous "I think she had enough." He added.

"Enough? This bitch deserves a little bit more… just not today." Connor said and made Emily stand up. She gasped and opened her eyes reluctantly, feeling as the light that had just entered the room when Ben opened the curtains, penetrated her eyes and made her feel as if she was being cut by the sharp blade of a knife. Connor pushed her hard against the wall.

"Please don't…" Emily said desperation noticeable in her voice. Connor slapped her before she could say anything else. "Shut up, would you?"

"Connor, stop she…" Ben started but was cut by Connor once again.

"What?" Connor implied angrily. "Remember not to say anything," he told Emily. "You too," he said turning to look at the other two guys. "Or you will suffer the consequences," he talked as if he was indestructible. "And I don't care who gets on the way." _Paige, Paige, where the hell is Paige?_

Paige hadn't seen Emily at school until lunch time. She looked exhausted and had a bruise on her cheek. _What have you gotten yourself into now?_ But that wasn't all; she looked so damn hopeless. Paige saw her as she sat down with her friends at their usual table. Alison turned around and caught her staring at them. When she did, she winked at Paige and smirked. _She knows. _Alison turned around and whispered something to Spencer's ear. Paige's phone buzzed two times. She saw she actually had three messages. She touched the first one.

**Can we please talk? –Sydney**

Then the second one;

**Hey, babe ;) just wanted to know if you were free on Friday. Noel is throwing a party and I think we should go. –Connor**

And finally, the third one;

**Paige… I think Alison knows something… I don't think Sydney told her, she wouldn't do that to us, would she? We should talk to her…Today. –Emily**

Paige kept her phone in her pocket again and felt as Emily stared at her waiting for a reply. She nodded and Emily smiled kindly, turning to her friends again.

"I swear I did not say anything!" Sydney said at the edge of tears. "I promise I would never do that to you," Paige and Emily looked at each other and Sydney looked away.

"You were the only one that knew about…" Paige said, her voice becoming whispers.

"Us," Emily finished hurt by the way Paige couldn't say it and seeing as Paige's gaze met the floor.

"But as you see… Alison knows too," Sydney said, trying to defend her statement.

"And Connor does too…" Emily whispered low enough for it to be heard just by herself.

The same day after school, Emily went straight to her house, still not able to swallow her feelings she fell on her bed and just cried. Cried trying to let it all out but she couldn't. That was when she decided to do the thing she loved the most in the world; fiddle. That's how her grandma called it. Just spend some time with the instrument and pour all of your emotions in the music.

She walked to her closet and took out the violin. Emily stood right next to her window seat looked out the window and started playing. That was when she felt it; she wasn't scared anymore, she felt like if she could come out right now. She felt safe and sound. She felt Paige right next to her, singing and playing the piano. She was invincible when playing it, or at least that is how she felt. She got lost in every note and in the moment that she played the last note, everything was consumed by a heavy darkness.

**A.N. /Tell me your thoughts, should I keep going?**

**Thanks for the follows, favorites and reviews. **

**Until next time**. :)

Christmas episode killed me. I swear I cried for about an hour until I fell asleep.

Never Give Up On Paily, Guys 3


	5. Fall

Emily tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids felt heavy; she needed some rest after the several hits Connor had given her. She couldn't believe Connor. How could Connor even hurt a girl? Her parents taught her that girls must be treated as if they were made of glass, maybe Connor´s hadn't. Maybe they had. She still wondered what he had against her… she knew deep inside the reason why, but she just wouldn't bring it to the surface. _Let it go, Emily… maybe he is just going through a lot._ That wasn't the case, though. His reasons were even darker.

Emily could hear the front door closing and tried to open her eyes once again. She made an effort and finally caught a glimpse of light. She tried harder and finally brought herself to open her eyes.

When she stood up, she felt dizzy and her head hurt but she was fast enough to walk to her bed, put the violin under it, turn the light off and pretend that she was asleep. Her mother knocked on the door. "Emily?" She said. "Emily, are you asleep?" She heard the door creaking and pictured her mother peeking through the door. Her mother entered the room and walked closer to Emily, gasped and started sobbing quietly. Pam placed a blanket over Emily and kissed her on the cheek. Emily felt her mother's cheek wet and felt pain growing. Pam let out a cracked sigh and walked to the door, closing it behind her.

Emily felt a freezing sensation on her arms and shivered. She wished she could be curled on the couch with Paige by her side, cuddling into her, her arm wrapped around Emily's waist and the comforting feeling it brought her just being next to Paige. That was the moment she realized that she rather have Paige by her side whenever she could than having to hide for the rest of her life. Paige made her happy. Wouldn't her parents want her to be happy? Wouldn't her friends? Because even if it was selfish in a human way… she wanted to be happy… stop hiding and live her life how she was supposed to; how she wanted to; with a girl. Emily couldn't picture herself with a guy; just Paige. Couldn't picture herself staring at no one else; just Paige. She couldn't picture her life without her… at least not in that moment.

Emily fell asleep easily but she still felt her head pounding so she didn't sleep well that night. Besides she couldn't kick Connor out of her thoughts. _Poor_ _Emily_… he said inside her head over and over again and her eyes opened again at the annoying beeping of her cellphone´s alarm.

Thursday morning, Paige looked over at Connor across the table. His gaze was pasted to his phone´s screen and something was making him smile at it. Paige was always so damn bored…Especially when she was with the guy. She looked around trying to find something more interesting than her boyfriend. She looked at the counter and wished Emily was working. She wanted her. She needed her laugh. She needed her eyes. She wished she could fight how badly she desired the girl; she was never going to be able to.

She felt Connor´s gaze glued on her… that burning feeling… She looked through the corner of her eye and spotted Connor smiling comically as he kept looking at his phone. She turned her head around and tapped the floor eagerly with her foot. Her heart rate increased.

"Babe, are you okay?" Connor said looking at his girlfriend with a worried frown.

Paige looked at Connor. "Yeah… Yeah, I'm okay," she said quietly. "Actually," Paige remembered. "I have something to do, but I'll see you tonight?" He nodded and she lent down to peck his lips. "Bye."

Connor nodded again. "I love you." He added taking her hand and kissing it.

Paige's eyes opened wide and she felt guilt creeping inside her body. She knew she didn't love him and didn't want to break his heart but she couldn't say it so she just nodded and smiled kindly, walking out of the café.

Connor looked at her girlfriend mischievously as she exited the place. _Keep hiding it, baby, Emily pays anyway._

Next day, Emily went to Violin rehearsal feeling sick; sicker than before… sure she felt sicker than before because Connor had hit her again. Not only he hit her but also tried something else… Emily felt as her eyes burned.

_"__Dyke!" said Connor. _

_Emily's head hit the wall as he pressed her against it. "I'm not a dyke." Emily whispered._

_"__Sure about that?" he said. "Then you should like this," his hand made its way up Emily's thigh and she groaned disgusted. _

_"__Stop, please," Emily said with a desperate tone of voice but he only moved his hand further up her thigh._

_She kicked him as hard as she could and ran out of the restroom, tears rolling down her face._

Emily followed Dean inside the classroom and he greeted her politely. Each one of her classmates had their violins ready and they started playing. Emily took hers and played her solo part as she connected with the violin, feeling as its vibrations beat at her hearts rhythm. She got carried away and then she felt as her head started pounding again and everything fell apart again.

Paige's eyes opened at the sound of her alarm and her thoughts instantly drifted to Emily. Dean Clare, a guy who went to violin classes with Emily, had mentioned her passing out the night before. Paige hadn't stopped thinking about her since she heard the guys talking about Emily. Her head had hit the floor and her violin had fallen over her.

Paige closed her eyes at the thought of the other girl being in pain and the fact that she could do nothing to make her feel better. She couldn't even visit her because nobody knew that the two of them even knew each other.

Paige wished she could be brave just for a minute; however, fear wasn't going to disappear that easily. She had to choose between loving Emily and being afraid, but she just couldn't picture herself saying it out loud. She could picture her father's face if she ever told him, though; hysterical.

Paige shook her head, in an attempt to stop herself from thinking. She stood up and walked towards the bathroom like she would do any other day. Only it hadn't been like any other day in a long time; Paige was not the same; she didn't feel the same. Not with herself, not with her family, not with Connor and not with Emily.

Taking a deep breath, she stared at herself in the mirror. _You are not this person_, she kept repeating. She knew she had to decide whether she was going to be honest or she was going to keep hiding for the rest of her life. _You can't do this to Connor… You can't do this to Emily_.

Exactly eleven days had passed after the accident and Emily still hadn't heard from Paige. Not. A single. Word. Not even if she had returned to school two days after it had happened. Paige showed up at school but wouldn't even smile at Emily- like she used to- when neither of them had company. Emily wondered what had happened; she hadn't done anything wrong, had she?

She was walking through the halls in order to get to the lockers but when she got there, she felt as her heart was ripped off her chest. She wished she hadn't come to school that day. She wished that she was dead. She bit her lower lip hard before tiding up her leather jacket and taking a deep breath as she walked towards her locker, which was being blocked by the frightening nightmare that was seeing _that_ person, making out with _that_ other person.

"Get a room, Blue," The guys shouted as Connor pressed himself against Paige and kissed her harder. Emily had never seen them kissing like that, just pecks and stuff and not even that close. Paige and Connor hadn't noticed her there and Paige tangled her fingers in his hair. Emily wasn't jealous; she was hurt.

Emily cleared her throat and tried not to let tears fall. "Sorry, I need my locker," she said and the two suddenly stopped. Paige's eyes opened wide as she looked at Emily and Connor turned around and smiled teasingly, carefully enough so that Paige wouldn't notice. They moved away from her locker, Paige dipping her head and Connor taking her hand.

Paige stood behind Emily with her gaze pasted on the floor and her hand being pulled by Connor´s.

Emily opened her locker with a soft movement and peeked inside; the little mirror she had pasted inside of her locker reflected Paige looking directly at her. Emily's heart skipped a beat and she stared at Paige for a few seconds, the girl had a pleading look on her face. Emily frowned as she took a big breath and looked away when Aria called her name. She caught a glimpse of Paige dipping her head again just before she followed her boyfriend through the crowd.

The next thing Paige knew was that she was all alone walking towards Emily's house just to check in when something pushed her hard. She stumbled and looked around. A blond girl stood next to her, smiling teasingly.

"Pigskin," Alison said. "What are you doing here? You are not going to Emily's place, are you?"

"Why would you care?" Paige raised her eyebrows.

"You know… she…" Ali took a step closer to Paige. "She used to be… sort of obsessed with me,"

"Sort of," Paige copied. "What do you want, Alison?"

"I don't want you to talk to her,"

"I'm not even that close to her," Paige said. "We are on the same team, that's it."

Alison grabbed her wrist hard. "Listen to me, I made you Pigskin once and I can do it again," she said "I know what you're doing with Emily and I don't think you'd want your daddy to know, would you?" Paige looked away. "I bet you don't,"

* * *

Guys! Sorry it took me so long! I have next chapter done so it is not going to be long.

Tell me what you think. Bored? Cool? Let me know. :)


	6. Unspoken Promises

**_Hey, guys! I am so sorry it has been so long but I promise I will update at least once every two or three weeks._**

**_Thank you so much for the feedback._**

**_By the way, this chapter contains my first intimate scene ever! Please don´t be too hard on me :)_**

**_Hope you like this one. _**

Emily looked over the computer's screen and stared at Paige who had just received the message Emily had just sent her and smirked teasingly, rising her eyebrows and looking back to the screen, typing something else.

**_Guest: Hope you have a wonderful present for me ;)_**

Emily smiled knowingly and started tapping the floor with her foot as she wrote something else.

**_You: trust me, I do. _**

**_Guest: YOU BETTER BE TELLING THE TRUTH! _**

**_You: Just wait and see. _**Emily tried to hide the smile that was tugging on her lips.

Paige bit her lip and looked at Emily again winking and smiling. Emily smiled back shyly, still looking at her. She made sure nobody was looking at them and pointed with her finger at herself, making Paige look at her curiously. Then she pointed at Paige and then at herself again; at her heart. She looked away, smiling and looked at Paige from the corner of her eye; she was moving her hands. She pointed at herself, then at Emily and then raised two fingers. Emily's heart fluttered and she felt the electrical shockwaves all over her body. She bit her lip and looked down at the keyboard again, trying to avoid Paige's burning stare.

**You: You could've just written it here, you know? **

**Guest: So did you ;)**

Emily smiled widely and felt another burning stare against her; it was Connor's menacing stare right from the door, warning her once again like he had been doing since what happened with the two of them.

Connor caught Paige's smile when Emily wrote something… _They are texting to each other_. (Wow, Connor, you're such a genius!) But certainly… he was; he was genius in a completely stupid way.

It was later that day and Emily rode her bike towards Paige's place with her heart beating fast. She arrived to Paige's home and made sure that her mother's car wasn't there before she walked towards the door, climbed the stairs and knocked doubtfully and nervously. She didn't hear anything and raised her hand to knock again when a voice startled her. "You look beautiful," the smooth voice said right behind her making her shiver as she felt Paige's hands tangling around her waist slightly meeting Emily's skin with her own. It was _so _Paige to do that… and it was so Emily to

Paige turned Emily around slowly and looked at her eyes for what seemed like ages. She smiled incredulously. _How did I get so lucky? _She caressed her way down Emily's arms and took her hand, lacing their finger together, still not able to believe that Emily was right there and then. She took out the keys from her pocket and opened the door, letting Emily in.

"How long is your mom going to be out?" Emily asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

Paige shook her head, looking at the floor with her eyes closing before she frowned in pain. "I don't think you should stay long, Em," she added as her head rose up yet her gaze stayed fixed on the floor.

Emily nodded knowingly and placed her hand under Paige's chin forcing her to look at her.

"That's why I will keep it brief," she smiled trying to soothe the other girl because she knew that was theonly

"Okay." Paige said, smiling at her love's words.

Emily gestured Paige to follow her into the living room and they settled down on the couch. She felt nervousness increasing as she opened the bag she had been carrying and looked for the little box. When she felt the top of it beneath her hand, she looked at Paige with hesitation and the girl gave her a reassuring smile, which was enough to encourage her to go on. She took hold of Paige's hand and put the box over her hand. Paige frowned curiously and Emily looked like an anxious puppy as she waited for Paige's reaction. Paige removed the cover and saw blue gift paper seeping through another piece of cardboard. She finished unpacking the gift and her eyes opened wide.

"Oh my goodness," Paige said, not believing what her eyes saw. "You booked an appointment?" she took out the card and read it over and over again.

"He will be waiting for you in his office on Monday's afternoon to see when you can show him your piano performance." Emily said and her smile grew wider as Paige started talking so crazily fast that she could barely understand a word she said. "So you liked it," Emily uttered.

"I loved it, Emily!" said Paige excitedly before she closed the gap between them with a short lingering kiss and hugged her tightly, leaving Emily eye-closed and breathless with a smile tugging on her lips. Paige kissed her again this, time soft and slowly before she rested her forehead against Emily's. She put her hands on Emily's neck and moved closer to her. They remained like that until a knock on the door made them frown annoyed.

"It must be Connor," she whispered and Emily's jaw clenched as she pulled away slowly, thinking about the lockers' incident. That image was never going to disappear. She saw the pain on Paige's face and cursed herself for making her feel like that. She stood up, took her bag and turned to walk to the back of the house but Paige stopped her by taking her hand. "Wait…" said she. "Will I see you later?" she asked full of hope.

"I don't know," Emily said, seeing as every inch of Paige's facial expression dropped. She walked out and heard the front door opening, and then closing. She picture what could be happening. Connor was probably leaning down to kiss Paige and the girl probably would respond… just as she responded to Emily's.

When she got out, she heard an excited Paige and she poked her head over the fence. Her heart shattered when she saw Paige jumping into Connor's arms and kissing him… _she _had kissed him. Emily just froze and felt that her heart had stopped beating. Connor had given Paige a car and that was way much better than an appointment with a fucking pianist and a fucking piano necklace. _Oh my god! _She had forgotten about telling her that the necklace was under the other piece of box. But she looked at Paige again and changed her mind. _She is never going to be happy with me._ Emily knew she couldn't give Paige what Connor could; a family, a relationship she wouldn't be ashamed to be involved with, a big house wherever she wanted…

_"__Maybe I shouldn't keep holding her back," _she thought when she saw Paige so happy in his arms.

Emily walked home but didn't feel like moving. She stopped right in the middle of the way when she saw the bench. That bench meant the world to her… well not the chair itself but the things that had happened there.

_"__Emily?" a quiet voice said behind her when she felt someone tapping on her shoulder. Emily turned her head around and smiled at the girl that was standing behind her. _

_"__Hi, Paige," she said. "What's up?" _

_Paige just lowered her gaze and frowned. "I need to tell you something," she looked back at Emily who was staring at her confused. _

_They noticed that the park was completely deserted. _

_"__What is it?" said Emily. _

_"__May I?" Paige said, pointing at the bench questioningly._

_"__Sure," Emily nodded._

_Paige sat awkwardly next to Emily and she began fidgeting with her own hands, dipping her head once again. _

_"__Is anything wrong?" Emily asked worried._

_Paige looked at her and stared for a while. Her eyes traveled all over Emily's perfect features, taking in each one of them. She looked at Emily's lips and then met her eyes again. Paige's breathing hitched as she moved closer to the girl until they were just inches apart and she made sure that Emily was not going to move away with what she was just about to do. She moved fast and caught Emily's lips with her own in a soft and lingering kiss. Emily tried to hold her right there and keep their lips connected but Paige cut the kiss abruptly when Emily had started to raise her hand. Paige looked at her with a mix of fear, need and confusion before she looked around and stormed away from Emily, leaving the other girl completely breathless. _

Emily blinked, a few tears escaping her eyes and kept walking to her house, leaving the bench behind.

Emily opened her front door and walked slowly towards the kitchen, looking for her mother.

"Mom!" she called but got no reply from the woman.

Emily walked out of the kitchen and looked everywhere for her mother before she walked inside her room closing the door as she did so. She took her pajamas out of the closet while she hummed a random song-whose title she couldn't remember at the moment- she just knew it made her think of Paige… God, what didn't?

"I hoped you would stay for a while longer," Emily jumped in horror when Paige's voice dragged her out of the daze she had been constructing.

"What the hell!" She shouted, punching Paige's arm harder than she attempted to. "Oh my god, you scared me to death."

"You were singing last night's song," Paige said joyfully making Emily feel guilty that she didn't remember the song. "The one Dorothea played yesterday for the play… the one in which…" She tangled her arms around Emily's waist. "I did this…" She rested her chin on Emily's shoulder and buried her nose in the crook of Emily's neck, taking her in and closing her eyes as soon as her scent filled her lungs, making electric shocks run through her bloodstream as her heart beat faster once Emily filled her body completely. She kissed the skin there, biting back a moan and Emily closed her eyes before she crooked her neck to the opposite side, leaving the way clear for Paige to keep kissing her. "Paige," she moaned. "Please wait," she turned around slightly pulling Paige away from her but taking her hands so that she didn't get it wrong. "I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, her gaze dropping.

"Why?" Paige asked and her face dropped. _What do you mean you can't do this?_

"Because I don't think you actually want to…" She said hesitantly, looking at Paige again.

Paige looked back at her with desperate eyes. "What? Why would you think that?" Paige said with tears in her eyes and a cracking voice that made Emily's heart shatter into a billion pieces.

"I saw how happy you were with Connor earlier," she admitted more to herself than Paige. "And I wondered if…"

"Emily," Paige said. "Would I be here right now if I wasn't happy? Why do you think I keep looking for you?"

"Because you want to make sure…"

"Shut up, Emily," She said, her tone of voice increasing and Emily starting to feel hurt. She couldn't quite believe the girl sometimes but she knew what she meant. She knew that Emily still felt unsure when she saw Paige with someone who could make her happier- what wasn't even possible- or with someone that could make her feel free to be who… society wanted her to be. "I love you!" she said, choosing that she didn't want to be that person; she wanted to be herself. She wanted to love who she fell in love with.

"But…"

"But nothing!" she said. "Don't you understand you are the reason I wake up every morning and have the will to fight? If it weren't for you, why would I wake up? I have no reason to live over looking at your eyes even if it is just for a fucking second," she cried. "I love you, Emily, and I don't care if I wake up tomorrow and everyone thinks I'm sick, or wrong, or confused, or if the world hates me, because," she swallowed. "I get to have _you _loving me… and I get to love you over everything else," she lowered her gaze, tears welling up in her eyes. "Over anyone else," she whispered and felt Emily pulling her hastily against her body, her eyes just few inches away from hers.

She looked into that dark orbs and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of Emily's warm breath over her lips and Emily moved further towards the wall with Paige's hands laced with her own until her back touched the wall behind her. She moved Paige's hands up the wall while she kissed the way down her neck, sighing.

Paige shivered and crooked her neck, her head pressed against the wall with her eyes closed and her lips biting back moans as she tried to convince herself that she was really there, that the girl wanted her as much as she had always wanted Emily.

Paige took Emily's hands with her own and left those resting on her shoulders as they made their way down through Emily's sides and the other girl let out soft moans. She rested her hands on Emily's hips, kissed her cheek and all the way down her jawline meeting the tanned girl's neck with her lips. Paige sucked down her neck biting the skin lightly and going down. Emily pulled away slowly, opened her eyes and looked at Paige's eyes, sealing the promise with a passionate kiss.

Paige placed her hands on Emily's neck, then her waist, then back on her hips and slid them under Emily's shirt, placing them on her waist once again without their lips detaching.

Emily smiled against Paige's lips and placed her hands in front of her in order to start unbuttoning Paige's shirt and opened it. She stared at Paige for a while before sliding her hands under it, the shirt falling down at the floor

Paige's hands were like ice cubes traveling all over Emily's body yet ignited her skin wherever they touched.

Paige slid Emily's shirt over her head and kept the girl as close as she could to keep her warm without stopping the kisses over the girl's half naked torso.

Paige put her hands under Emily's tights and she tangled them around her waist as Emily tangled her own hands around her neck.

Paige kissed her softly and walked towards the bed, lying over it with Emily amid her legs and her own back touching the bed.

Emily's hands went down Paige's body as she kissed every inch of it on her way down.

She unbuttoned Paige's jeans-not without taking off Paige's and her own shoes- and went back to kiss Paige on the lips while her hands traveled to the other girl's back in order to unclasp her bra and throwing it to the floor as well as the rest of the clothes.

They undressed each other slowly, this time memorizing every inch of one another's bodies and enjoying every stare, every bolt of electricity and every time their hearts beat together.

Both naked bodies lied tangled under the sheets after they both had melted into each other, without want taking over their heads or love fading in a single moment.


	7. The fall before the storm

**Hey Everyone, I am back.**

**I am so sorry! Really. I have been busy with school work and family issues but now I will have the time to write. Please forgive my grammar mistakes... English is not my mother tongue and I am young too so...**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter; it is a little bit longer than usual. **

**Love you, guys.**

**Please feedback.**

"Hush, don't worry, Em," Paige said when Emily started going desperate in her sleep. "You are okay," Paige traced circles over Emily's shoulder and pulled away for a short while just so that she could turn Emily around and feel closer to her. Emily woke up to Paige's disgrace as she had tried to move her. Emily was breathing fast and her desperate eyes showed fear and doubt. But as she saw Paige's face, she knew everything would be okay. She calmed herself down as Paige looked into her eyes. "It's okay," Paige persisted and hugged her closely, even more scared than Emily was. She closed her eyes taking a deep breath and kissed Emily's head before both of them fell asleep again.

Paige shifted uncomfortably when she felt Emily's shoulder pressed excessively hard against her ribs. She moved away gently without loosening the grip on Emily's bare waist. Emily's corner of the lips creased up even if she was not conscious. She tried to memorize the way Emily's beautiful smile made her feel. She stared at her red lips and leant in. She didn't press her lips against Emily's but rested her forehead against her love's, as she closed her eyes and took in that wonderful smell that was her lover's. And she appreciated the way light looked so well on her.

Paige remained in trance for a while until reality hit her. _This is it. _She knew what she had to do next but the idea terrified her. Even if it was for Emily's own sake, the emptiness she knew she would feel after she did it was already filling her. Tears filled her eyes and a broken sob escaped her mouth. She knew she could do it, she could hurt the girl no more and she froze in place as she looked at the door. _Maybe if I run… _But she couldn't; not again; not with the girl who was lying next to her. Running would not work, it would make everything worse, but at least she would ignore what life had in store for her, at least that is what she thought as she looked at her eyes.

But someone else was still in her thoughts… Connor still haunt her with his dark brown orbs; the hate she didn't want to see in that beautiful face… she lied; she knew she didn't care, but fear wouldn't go away, and the pain she was feeling would fill him instead. _I love her. _She thought and it could not be truer, but love is not enough when you are scared and cannot lie anymore.

Paige felt the tears starting to out her eyes, rolling down her cheeks and then becoming salt inside her mouth. She closed her eyes and frowned swallowing hard, trying to make the lump in her throat to untie. She moved away in a really gentle way trying not to drag Emily out of her slumber. She let go of her waist and caressed her cheek once again. Paige sat up on the bed and looked one last time at Emily. She got dressed and walked out of the room in silence.

Paige sat down on the front porch of Emily's house and thought about everything she had made the girl she loved the most go through. She rested her face against her palms and started crying again. It was useless; she could not forget. Forget about the fear that haunted her every day. She remained silent, trying hard to think but the big deal was that she was between love and fear. That was when it hit her… Emily was both.

"Hey," She heard a raspy voice behind her whispering. "I thought you had walked away," Emily's voice cracked with worry.

Paige frowned in pain. "I am… I mean…" She felt the lump tightening. "I will," She stood up and finally looked at Emily who had a dubious expression in her face.

Emily looked away; she knew what was going to happen next. "Don't you dare to do this to me," She let out softly. "Don't you dare to leave me or I swear to god..."

Paige mocked her with a broken laugh. "What? What can you do, Emily?" She was crying again so she decided to look away.

Emily looked at her again and shook her head not believing the other girl. "I love you!" Her face was an ocean of emotions, Paige could see. "I fucking love you!" She suddenly slapped the other girl's face but instantly mourned to touch that flawless face. She took it back by caressing the irritated skin and wiping away the silent tears she had just made the other girl spill. Paige hadn't seen it coming but still knew she deserved even more than that. "I'm sorry," Emily started crying and buried her head in Paige's neck.

"Please don't," She said and placed her hand over Emily's shaking hand that still rested over her cheek. Emily looked up, stared at her eyes, then at her lips and tried to close the gap between the two of them… Paige didn't let her. She instead pulled away. "Emily…" She tried to start as calm as possible. "I have to go," She let out but her voice remained raspy.

"No, you don't," Emily wouldn't admit it… but deep inside, she knew that when none of them could be brave enough to shout to the world that they loved each other… It meant it was not the time and maybe it was not worth it either. But she could not think of it that way. She loved Paige and would do anything for her… it just… was not the time. She was young; she did not feel ready. Still she could not let go. Not after everything they had been through together in that exciting mess they had gotten themselves into.

Paige spoke up again. "Yes, I do," she said. "I have thought about this and I do," She breathed deeply again. "Listen," said she. "The fact that I love you with all my being doesn't make me brave enough to… shout it to the world."

"I love you, Emily. I love you with all I have. With all I am but I can't keep doing this. I can't keep holding you back," She took Emily's shaking hands and looked at her desperate eyes. "I made a choice," she said. "And it is to let you… choose what you want to do… without me." She swallowed hard and Emily started sobbing making it harder for her to speak up.

"The only thing I want the most in this world is for you to be happy and you should never doubt or forget that." Paige said trying to make Emily stop shaking, but she failed.

"Last night… I woke up and saw the fear in your face and then I thought that I could be the reason of you being hurting and… afraid. And I finally realized that I am. I am the only person holding you back," She finally said. "So I set you free," She made Emily look at her. "Because you mean everything to me," said she. "Because I love you," She took a deep breath still trying to hold her tears back. "And I want to make _this,"_ She pointed between the two of them with her shaking hand. "Right" Emily turned away and cried silently shaking her head in astonishment.

"Emily, look at me," she said, raising the other girl's chin. "This is for us, okay? I am sure we will make our ways back to each other's arms again. When we are ready," said she. "When we don't have the need to hide the fact that we love each other; when everything is the way it is meant to be, okay?" She was now crying too. "Emily, say something, please," she begged with a cracked voice. "Say something or I will walk away without listening to your voice one…"

"Shut up, Paige!" This startled the girl so much she stumbled back; luckily she was fast enough to hold on to the wooden column of the front porch and steady herself. "Sorry," she looked down in shame. "Paige, you should go," Paige nodded but closed the gap between the two of them hugging Emily as tight as she could, spilling some tears over Emily's neck as she hugged her back tangling her fingers with Paige's hair. She looked at her eyes and turned around immediately to keep herself from staying any longer. She could hear Emily crying as she walked away and her heart screamed that she needed to stay. So she increased the pace and started to run as her soul mourned her latest actions. She ran as fast as her legs would let her and she tried not to let Emily's voice sneak in her head.

After two weeks and a half, eleven days to be precise, Emily's soul still tried to disguise the pain and anger she felt deep inside; it was corrupting her. Paige was not anymore in her thoughts; she kicked her out every time she came back and… that meant at least seven times a day. She couldn't sleep and didn't have the will to eat… at least not as much as she did before. She started skipping the classes she shared with Paige and changed some of them too. Unfortunately the act they had been practicing for was inevitable and they had to do it together so she had to find a way to connect once again with her even if it was not in the way she wanted to.

Emily stood at the door that led to the rehearsal room. She looked through the small window and saw Dorothea giving some indications to Jeremy, one of the main characters in the play, who had now fallen into Paige's arms when he did Emily's part. She took a deep breath and composed herself before placing her hand on the door knob and opening the door calmly.

Dorothea turned to see her when she heard the door closing behind Emily. "Emily! You are back, we missed you," said Dorothea when Emily walked awkwardly towards her.

Emily smiled politely and nodded. "Thanks, Dorothy," she said. "I'm sorry I haven't come…"

Dorothea interrupted her without even perceiving Emily's voice. That caused Paige and Jeremy to let out a giggle as they stood, impatiently waiting for Emily to take her place. "It is such a shame that you couldn't come, Emily," Emily rolled her eyes annoyed yet escaped from Dorothea's gaze and looked at her faking a smile. Dorothea pointed at the other student's bags. "Care to leave it there and take your place, Emily?" She smiled kindly and Emily turned away, throwing her bag next to the rest of them. She turned around again and walked towards Paige as Jeremy took his original place at the back of the room with Shelby.

Paige felt as the air left her lungs when Emily approached her. She could not handle seeing the girl there and not feeling able to smile at her because… maybe it was too soon… it was too much for herself to handle Emily smiling at her… and she knew for Emily was too. "Hey," She managed to get out of her mouth.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Okay, so, we should get started," she cut her roughly making Paige to feel like shit. "What was after the fall?" she said ignoring Paige's expression.

Paige took the copy of the script she had folded out of her jean's pocket, trying to ignore Emily's harsh tone of voice. "Okay… it says…" She flipped through the pages looking for the part Emily had asked for. She cleared her throat and started reading. "After centuries, goddess of penalty gave men the toughest weapons of all:" Paige looked at Emily who was staring at her and looked away as soon as the other girl noticed. Paige ignored the feeling the action gave her and turned her head back to the paper. "To punish them for envy, she gave them something to be so protective over what they possessed that it would not let them feel up to live if it was taken away from them, but when knowing they were not enough, they would do whatever it took to find what was actually enough or even give up on it even if it meant living in pain forever," she read. "Those were…" Paige swallowed hard. "Love and humbleness," said she. "Love as what makes you keep holding to something and humbleness as what makes one offer people what they need it not even against one's will," She directed her gaze towards Emily. "So… you enter when Johanna says…"

Emily looked at Paige. "Penalty, right?" she asked moving closer to her and looking at the text.

Paige nodded and looked at Emily for a short while. "Yeah… do you have the text? I could lend it to you so you can take a copy later," She offered.

Emily smiled at the other girl's words. "Yeah, that would be great. Thanks," she said.

Paige smile sadly. "Yeah, sure," She looked back at the script. "And then I enter when she says…" She stopped in her tracks when she felt Emily's burning stare over her. She turned her head to see her and maintained the gaze. They stared at each other trying to figure out their faces. "When she says," Paige turned her head back and looked at the text once again. "She says love and I enter," she said and Emily looked down.

Emily read the rest of the text. "Love holds penalty, without men even knowing," she said out loud. "Love consumes a whole and penalty just comes," said she. "When man less expects it; when love is ruling over all, but is actually punishment that controls the soul," she looked at Paige. "I think that's when I fall and you catch me, am I wrong?" Paige nodded and opened her arms. Emily let herself fall and Paige caught her. Then they kept reading and acting as they followed the story.

Dorothea was impressed by the way they seemed so fluent and the feeling flowed around them. "Excellent job," she whispered. "These girls are great," As they danced in sync, Dorothea took out a camera and started recording the perfect dance.

Both girls kept dancing and forgot about the world around them. Feeling each other so close after so long; just a few weeks but they couldn't get enough they needed each other so bad… and it was so hard.

Back in the locker rooms, Jeremy walked towards Paige and gathered the courage to finally speak to her. He had longed for that day to come ever since he got to Rosewood's High school that same year.

He saw her next to her locker alone. _Okay, take a deep breath, you can do this. _He kept walking in her direction and lastly got to her locker.

She raised her head as she felt someone approaching, opened her eyes widely an offered him a kind smile. "Hey, Jeremy," she said politely.

Jeremy felt his heart beating hard. "Hi, Paige," he smiled sweetly. "How… How are you?" he could hardly speak.

"I'm fine, it's sweet for you to ask," she nodded excitedly. "Hey, by the way, we should go out some time; I think you are really good in the acting side, you know?" she complimented him.

His heart stopped. "Oh! Really?" he said. "Do you really think that?"

She smiled. "Absolutely," 

It was Friday night and Connor was picking Paige up that night to take her to the Khan's party. She was worried she would bump into Emily but if she did she wanted to be wasted enough so that she wouldn't recognize Emily.

Paige looked at the mirror and fixed her short, red dress. She combed her hair with her hands and sighed. _Think that you are dressing for Emily. _She wished that was true…

As soon as Connor arrived, Paige ran down the stairs in her bare feet to find her heels next to the stairs and putting them on as fast as she could. She messed her hair but she didn't care. _It isn't Emily anyway. _It was lame to think about Emily taking into account that she had dumped her and not the other way around but she couldn't help herself.

When they arrived to the Khan's, surprisingly not the cabin, Connor immediately guided Paige towards the table with the drinks.

Alison and Connor had made a deal… a deal which included drugging Paige and driving Emily close to the edge.

Connor smiled mischievously when Paige swallowed a whole beer in less than twenty seconds. Then she took another. Then she took a glass. Then she drank another beer. And then he took out the flask. That was when everything was finally lost.

The clock ticked fast that night… Paige had known something was wrong but… she took the drink anyway. Connor guided her to one of the rooms upstairs and pushed her against the door after he had closed it. Paige wasn't responding, she felt like a… doll… just like the ones she played with when she was a kid. He guided her to the bed in the room and kissed her roughly before pushing her over it. Then everything went blank and that night ended up being the worst mistake of her whole life.

Emily took another drink. The music was loud and Alison was close to her; she looked over her shoulder and said what would drive Emily insane that night. "I think I saw Paige kissing Connor, did you see them?"

With that few words, Emily took more drinks and faded out. All the mixed feelings were too much for her to take in.


	8. New arms

**SORRY. I have been so busy I don't even know how I handle to write anything. **

**This one is short, but I promise the wait won't be long.**

**Thank you guys for everything and I am so not abandoning this story. **

**Take care, and enjoy :) **

Paige's eyes were shut down by the bright light that hit her eyes when she woke up. She caught on her rigid mussels and her dry throat and tried to ignore the pain she felt down her body. She felt so tired; she refused to open her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, turning around but regretting it as soon as her back started aching.

"Fuck." She cursed under breath and turned her head toward another direction so that she could at least see where she was; she could not remember anything and the alcohol, blood and something she could not quite recognize inside her mouth made her want to throw up. She took a deep breath to prevent the acid liquid from going up her throat. She shivered as the cold air entered her lungs and stopped moving as she realized where she was. Not Emily's room; not Connor's; not hers. Her eyes opened wide and she sat on the bed… The sheets slid down her body… She was naked. She repaired on her red dress lying on the floor. She tried hard to remember anything of the night before but she couldn't. It was blank. Empty.

Paige looked down her body and her heart stopped beating as her eyes caught a glimpse of what seemed to be… blood. "Shit!" She gasped as the realization hit her. _Did someone…?_

"Good morning, sleepy head!" The voice startled her and she rushed to cover herself with the sheets. Noel leant against the door frame and Paige saw Connor coming inside the room and walking towards her. She felt like if her privacy had been taken away from her; Connor had never seen her like that… he hadn't even saw her in a swimming suit.

Connor walked closer to her side of the bed and leant in to kiss her.

"What the hell!" She tried to yell in annoyance but failed and instead felt her throat growing wider as everything went out of her mouth and she threw up over Connor. Her head was pounding and she cleaned her mouth with the back of her hand as warm tears made their way down her cheeks. "I'm sorry." she whispered and covered her mouth in shame.

Connor tried to hide his annoyance. "It's okay," He said faking a kind smile. _You are useless. _"It wasn't your fault." He looked down at his clothes and walked away.

Paige felt scared and confused. She had figured it out. They had… the word _slept_ managed to make her shiver and the next thing that crossed her mind was Emily. She knew what making love to someone was and it felt nothing like how she was feeling. She had given herself to Emily because she wanted to give herself to Emily and _just _Emily. She wanted to be hers and just hers. She left out a broken sob and looked down at her hands. She covered her face and let more tears spill and she wished she could take it back… She couldn't. She had given herself to… She flinched as she thought about it and felt Noel's burning gaze on her.

Noel smiled mischievously at the door. "You are pretty good, you know McCullers?" she raised her head. "You should keep coming to my parties." He raised an eyebrow suggestively and turned around before walking away and leaving Paige alone in a deathly silence.

Paige stayed; frozen. She couldn't breathe; she couldn't move.

It was Monday and Emily walked around Rosewood High trying to find every single member of drama club to hand them the papers for their parents to sign before they went to the theatre that same Friday. She looked everywhere but only handled to find Sydney and Jennifer at noon and tried to reach Jeremy before he reached his classroom before Hanna had stopped her. She was trying hard not to think of Paige. She had done it… just twice that weekend.

Emily kept walking. "Emily!" It was Alison. Emily turned around rolling her eyes.

"What?"

"Did you hear the rumor?" Alison looked excited and tangled her arm with Emily's.

"I don't care, Ali." She said annoyed.

"Okay," She said ignoring the comment. "Paige and Connor slept together a few nights ago, can you believe that?" Emily froze in place and stared at the blond.

"What?" She let out almost as a whisper.

Alison's gaze turned serious. "What?" She asked with almost a laugh Emily didn't quite get. "What's wrong with that?"

Emily stared at her blankly as she felt the air being pulled out of her lungs and her heartbeat increased making her blood boil its way up her system. She let out broken sigh and looked around trying to avoid Alison's stare when her eyes started to well up with tears.

"Alison!" Someone called and Emily turned away when Alison turned to look at Mona. Emily started walking, every step increasing her pace and her soul leaving another piece behind as rage filled her whole. She pressed her nails against her palms, frowning as she felt blood when it rolled down her arm when tears made their way out her eyes. She tried to control herself but could not stop and made her way towards the bathroom with a really clear idea of what she would do next.

Paige still was tired at school on Monday. _Relax, Paige, everything's okay… _People looked at her in ways they had never looked at her before… she saw lust, disgust, even pain in everyone else's eyes but hers… Emily's… She couldn't see her eyes and it was killing her. She needed Emily. She needed her life back. _Come back to me… _Someone tapped her shoulder but when she turned around she wished she had not done it. It was the blond, usually shy, good looking guy. Jeremy. Jeremy Thomas. _Damn. _She thought almost disgusted. "Hey, Jeremy," She said. "What's up?" She tried to fake a smile.

"Don't worry; you don't have to do that." He said making Paige look at him curiously. She shook her head and then looked down at the floor. "You don't have to pretend everything's okay, Paige." Somehow her name on his tongue felt… good… sort of… comforting. She looked up trying hard not to fall down to the floor and break down into sobs. "Don't worry; you can trust me." She shook her head and looked around the hall seeing if she spotted anyone near them and when she made sure there was not a single soul around them (Everyone had gone to class) she let herself fall in his arms and cried her heart out. Between sobs and long pauses to take air, he held her in his arms, a place where she would since then feel safe, sound and… loved.

Emily opened one of the stalls' doors and closed it hastily before letting herself fall down to the floor and hiding her face behind her hands.

After a while, someone knocked.

Emily kept quiet biting her lip to avoid any sound.

Then another knock;

"Em," someone whispered. "Emily, please." It was Sydney's voice; worried as hell. "Em-"

Emily cut her off by opening the door after standing up and jumping into her arms and crying her heart out just as her love had just done with the guy she would, in a future, depreciate so much.

Days passed, none of them spoke, as lover to lover, gazes avoided. Eyes would not matter in times like these and Emily and Paige would no longer exist. Her arms would not hold the other again. Eyes would not stare again. Love was nonexistent between their longing hearts; hearts still waiting for the storm to calm. And deep inside they knew nonexistence was impossible; impossible.


	9. Don't

**And finally, I am back. **

**I am so very sorry for the time it took for me to update, but I really felt like maybe it was not good enough. Let me know if you still want me to continue. I have not given up just yet.**

**Thanks for the reviews, follows and favorites. I hope you like this one. Until next time! Let me know what your thoughts are.**

**Take care.**

* * *

Something made Emily jolt awake. She thought it had been a dream, but as soon as she sat on her bed, she knew it was more than just a product of her slumber. It had happened when her cousin had died… It felt like something unbelievingly heavy had hit the roof. Emily's heart beat fast but she lay down again and reached sleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes, trying to ignore the awful feeling inside her chest.

Emily opened her eyes at the sound of the phone and she instantly knew something was really wrong.

Emily heard her mother's raspy voice down the hallway. "Hello?" she said after the phone had stopped ringing.

Emily heard when her mother gasped in horror and she shut her eyes closed as she frowned. It could not be happening. _Please, dad, be okay. God tell me he is okay. _The footsteps; now something was going really wrong. Her world crumbled when she heard the door creaking. "Emily?" Her mom whispered with a cracking voice. Pam whimpered and walked towards Emily's bed. "Sweetie," Pam shook her daughter in order to awaken her. Emily opened her eyes before looking directly at the glossy orbs that were staring right back at her.

"Emily, it's your dad." Pam's voice dimmed; Emily could barely hear a whisper and her own eyes watered as a lump grew tight in her throat. Pam's face mourned and she shut her eyes. Emily felt the tears making their way out of her now closed eyes and down her cheeks. She shook her head over and over again trying to convince herself that everything was alright. That it was just some sort of twisted dream.

"Emily, your dad…" Pam tried to get out the words but she just broke down then and there in front of her daughter.

"Don't, mom," Emily managed to escape her mouth. "Don't say it, please." Emily started crying all along with her mother after she sat up and hugged her tight.

"He was…" Pam started.

"Don't," Emily rubbed her mother's back as she tried to stay strong for her even if her tears had done the job of screwing that up. "Hush, mom," said she. "Everything will be alright."

Little did she know; her father was dead. He was gone. She would never see him again while she was alive.

The next two days, Emily and her mother waited impatiently for an answer from Magnus, one person out of the thousands of people in the explosion who had made it out. He was still looking for Wayne's body. Pam had told Emily that she needed her to sleep by her side and of course Emily would not say no to that simple request. Emily did not want to miss a lot of days of school so she stayed with her mother for a short while in order to, in first place; keep her from breaking down and in second place; to keep herself from having her own head all messed up. There was her dad, there was school ̶ even if she was two years away from being a senior, it was driving her mad ̶ , then there was her condition and finally… there was Paige. Even if Emily tried hard to keep her out of her mind taking into account what her situation was… she couldn't. She had been her first love anyway, well… her first true love. Emily had crushed on a girl before; in fact she had been in certain way obsessed with doing anything just to be around her; her name was Alison DiLaurentis.

_"Oh my goodness, Emily, look at yourself; you are all grown up," The fifteen year old girl dipped her head trying hard to hide the blush that sneaked up her cheeks at what Jessica DiLaurentis had just said. "You look gorgeous, Emily." Jessica smiled kindly and turned to Pam in order to hug her as greeting._

_"Thanks, ma'am," said Emily shyly and closed the door behind the just arrived guests. _

_"Definitely, Em; you look hot," Alison winked and whipped her head around in a soft way making her golden hair fall over her shoulders. Emily couldn't help but stare down Alison's body. She was wearing a short summer white dress with colorful flowers all over it._

_"You don't look bad yourself, Ali," Emily said with a giggle. "I love your dress by the way." Emily looked at Alison's eyes._

_Alison bit her lip. "Maybe a little too much, Em," Alison offered Emily another of her trademark smiles and winked at her once again._

_Alison and Emily made their way over to the kitchen, were the adults stood talking._

_"Emily, why don't you show Alison your room while dinner gets done?" said Pam when she saw the two teenagers making their way towards the adults. _

_"I can't believe we're back in Rosewood," Alison said as they climbed up the stairs. "I missed my friends, you know? But I didn't miss them as much I missed you, Em," They both stopped in their tracks. Emily turned to Alison. Their Parents' voices were barely hearable._

_"Why?" Emily said looking deeply into Alison's eyes. She then looked at Alison's lips, "Why me?"_

_"Emily," Alison started and held one of Emily's hands. "You are not like the others." She leaned closer to Emily and their lips were now almost touching. Emily took a deep breath. "I've seen your soul," said she. "Shy on the streets" she got closer. "Sexy on the sheets," _

_Emily looked away and cleared her throat before moving away. "Shall we?" She beckoned towards her bedroom's door. _

_"Alison, Emily!" _

"Emily!" Emily shook her head realizing she had been daydreaming about old situations she tried to bring back to mind since her dad had... "Can you please open the door?" Pam shouted from her room with her still broken voice. Emily stood up from the living room's couch and groaned before walking to the front door. Emily's mouth dropped open when she saw who was at the door.

Emily's eyes opened wide and a smile tugged on her lips, it had felt like ages since she had felt like smiling and now, she actually felt like doing so. "Hanna?" The blonde stood next to her mother.

Ashley Marin smiled. "It's great to see you, Emily," said the redhead. "Can we come in or is it a bad time?"

Emily nodded. "No, I mean, sure." Emily said and moved to let the woman come in. "I'll tell my mom you are here." Ashley nodded and smiled sadly before Emily turned to Hanna and hugged her tight.

Hanna returned the embrace just as tight. "Oh my, Emily," said she, her voice breaking. All of a sudden, Emily's dad came back to his daughter's thoughts and Emily broke down in her old friend's arms. "Shh… It's going to be alright," Hanna rubbed Emily's back. "Your dad's okay," She pulled away without letting go of Emily's arms and looked at her eyes. "Please don't cry," said she. "You know he wouldn't want you to." Emily nodded and went in followed by her old friend and closed the door.

Paige McCullers watched over her shoulder, her parents would not stop fighting over who was guiltier over what had happened between Connor and Paige. After Paige had found out what Connor had done to her, she had dumped him but that did not make trouble go away. She still could not believe it had been Emily the one to tell her about that night. She told her parents when she had felt brave enough to and the consequences… had not been too good.

_"What is it, Emily?" Paige was still confused. Why would Emily come to her house that late?_

_"I need to tell you something, I promise I won't bother you again."_ _ Emily looked down to the floor._

_"Em, I told you, you don't bother me at all," Paige said and raised Emily's head by holding her chin up. When she realized where her hand was, she took it away immediately. She looked at Emily expectantly._

_"For a while I thought you had broken up with me to be with him…" Emily started. "Then I heard what had happened, I tried hard not to believe it but…" Emily swallowed hard. "But I recalled some scenes of that night yesterday… and it is true…" Emily swallowed hard._

_"What are you talking about?" Paige's breath became quicker and her heart pounded in her ears. Emily remained silent. "Emily?" Paige insisted._

_"You and Connor slept together and… It seems like Noel was… a part of it, too," Emily's eyes watered. Paige had already figured out what had happened that night, but she had not yet admitted it to herself. Paige saw as tears welled up in Emily's eyes and her mind begged her love not to cry. "That's it. That's all I wanted to say. I'll better go now. Have a good night, Paige." Emily turned around and walked away leaving Paige breathless._

Paige could not take it anymore. She walked out of her house, took her bike and rode it anywhere.

After a few days of not seeing Emily at school, Paige's mother asked her if she knew Emily Fields… Paige said she had seen her but never talked to her. Her mom replied with something that made it worse even if Paige thought it was not possible. Emily was mourning over her dad's death.

Paige saw Emily walking down the hallway two days later. She had not talked to her but she had tried to reach her several times. Paige saw her go further away and could not help but walk in a rush over to her. It had been a week since Emily's father had passed away. Not even was his body in Rosewood yet but Paige knew what it would mean to Emily if she just offered her a smile. So she walked towards her love. Emily felt steps approaching… She knew who they belonged to. _Not this time… not again, Paige._ But deep inside she knew she needed her and without any warning she turned around and jumped to Paige's arms before the other girl even got to the target. As soon as their bodies touched, both of them knew it would be over in a short while and held tight against the other's flesh. Emily's body calmed down as she tried to keep her breathing's pace with the slow breath she felt nearby. Paige was so calm and… so warm. Emily closed her eyes and enjoyed to breathe in Paige's scent… She inhaled deeply in consequence of the thought of it being the last time she did so.

Paige rubbed Emily's back softly and what sooner or later would happen; did. Even if it destroyed them both inside and out; they broke apart. They looked into each other's eyes not needing to say word to communicate. It was all they had to do to know everything was going to be okay; nothing else mattered; just the two of them. In the end they had to part ways, both taking the other's heart with their being and unintentionally yet unconditionally carrying them forever.

Emily looked down at her hands. While everyone was dancing, she did not feel able to smile even when the people around her laughed so hard. She had been feeling that way for… let's say two weeks, three days, and eight hours, seven minutes and counting. She could not help herself; she had to count. If she did not do so, not only did she feel lonely, but her depression would swim back to her being.

Emily could not stop thinking about that exact moment when her world had come crashing down. She did not know what to do. What is it there to do? She had hardly seen her dad three times in two years. The rest of the time they spent apart was pure missing him and longing for her father. That single phone call had taken what was left of her life away from her. She did not feel like it was worth it and neither was she. However, she kept hoping Paige would not be taken away from her, too. It would be too much.

On the other hand, when she tried to forget about her father, an unpleasant feeling came followed by Paige's devastated expression when Emily had told her what happened at Noel's party or her blissful smile when she had come into the room holding Jeremy's hand just an hour ago. It hurt. Fuck, it hurt.

Emily now knew that Alison DiLaurentis had been involved in Paige and Connor's "incident", however what Alison had offered to her for keeping her mouth shut was quite reasonable; Emily and Paige's relationship would be public. Every single detail would be known by everybody. Emily could not keep that from Paige so she did not. But Paige got so desperate that she had run over to Jeremy's arms pretending she had been there since ages ago. That exact move had made Emily's heart shatter in even more pieces than it already was wrecked.

Then again having this kind of 'illicit' parties with her friends and the seniors was usually something revitalizing for Emily, but this time it was different… Emily felt like her life was slipping away from her fingers like if it were raindrops. Emily stood up from her seat and walked towards the bar. She was alone this time. She did not have a Hastings to be telling her how vodka would ruin her kidney. Emily leant over the bar and called out for the guy serving some shots to a couple sat next to her.

"Johnny," She said. "I need something strong." The guy turned to Emily and smiled mischievously.

"How about my heartbroken special?" said he, "It is pretty strong," He added. "I think it suits you."

Emily nodded. "Sure as long as it makes me forget."

Emily took a seat just before she felt someone tapping her shoulder. Emily turned her head and met a pair of chocolate like eyes. "Hi." said the brunette. "Can I… I mean, is it…?" Paige said pointing at the seat by Emily's side.

"No, I mean… sure…" She mumbled. Emily cleared her throat. "Yes, you can take the seat." She said firmly.

Paige smiled and sat down. "Johnny?" Paige called out. Johnny turned his attention to Paige. "The usual, please,"

Emily tried to hide a grin but she failed and giggled softly.

Paige looked at her and smiled. "I missed that sound," She got out as a whisper. Emily's expression went serious and her mouth dried. They remained looking at each other for a while as they both felt cold air against their backs. Their breathings harmonized and Emily let out a sigh as Paige looked down to the floor.

"Hey, girls," _Thank you so much, Jeremy, now you ruined whatever was it what was happening. _Emily rolled her eyes and caught a glimpse of her drink already over the surface next to her. She turned around and took it, sipping once and looking back to the couple. "How is everything going, Emily?"

She rolled her eyes and turned to Jeremy as the alcohol started burning down her throat. "Life is magical and wonderful," She said sarcastically and turned back to her drink which sat on the table. "Yeah, I'm absolutely fine," said she, taking another sip.

"Paige, have you met Jonny?" Jeremy said turning his attention back to Paige.

"Johnny the barista?" mocked Paige with some doubt lingering in her eyes.

"I said _Jonny, _sweetheart." Jeremy started laughing. "He was helping me with my bedroom's walls."

"Oh! That Jonny," Paige said as she realized who her date was talking about.

Emily heard the now faded voices and tried hard not to laugh… They were so goddamn boring and cheesy…

Emily took the remains of the drink and started feeling the alcohol truly kicking in. She wanted to forget. She needed to.

After a few more drinks and two shots now, Emily was not herself. She was so wasted… and that was never a good sign. The drinks usually turned her on as well. She went to the dance floor and swirled like if the world were going to disappear. Music beat inside her ears and her swollen throat sang out loud. She still could not take Paige out of her mind even when her father was slowly being concealed as Emily ignored the thoughts that hurt her. Not a single thought of anything or anyone else crossed her mind. And in that moment, she just wanted to remind Paige that nobody would ever make her feel like she could, and that made her feel exited as hell. Emily was absolutely willing to prove Paige that she was the only thing she could ever want, too.

The night went by and Paige tried to enjoy Jeremy's company. Jeremy was a good guy. He was caring; sweet; reckless─ Paige could admit she loved that─; kind; easy going; and last but not least; he was handsome: Strong arms; lean torso; big eyes; bright soft hair; and a shining smile. However, no matter how hard she tried, she could not stop comparing Jeremy with Emily. Emily… with her tan skin... her defined lips and athletic arms… the way music made her dance… how she looked with her violin in hands… how she would play… how she would kiss her… how she would stare… how her eyes would tell her she was the only one…

Paige looked over her shoulder seeking out for Emily. Paige was worried Emily could be at risk in any way knowing that she had drunk a lot half an hour earlier, but she had lost track of her. Not a single sign of Emily Fields anywhere near her. Paige turned her head to the restrooms and decided to look for Emily in there. Right after she had opened the door and put a foot inside, a pair of arms took her by both of her shoulders and pushed her against the door, shutting it. Paige looked at the pair of dark eyes staring back at her.

"Hey, Paigey," Paige felt as a wave of alcohol breath entered her nose. Paige closed her eyes and coughed. "Em, you're drunk." Paige tried to push Emily away from her with a gentle movement.

"And you look beautiful…" Emily kissed her way down Paige's neck making the former let her head fall against the door and let out a noiseless moan.

"Em…" Paige bit her lower lip and took both of Emily's wrists trying to push her away for a second time.

"Okay…" Emily dipped her head and placed it over Paige's chest trying to slow her breath's pace down. "I'm sorry," Emily whispered. "I get it… You don't want me now, huh?" Emily raised her head and Paige tried hard not to gasp and succeed at Emily's glossy eyes. Paige was trying hard not to let her feelings for Emily get the best of her. Emily opened the door and before Paige could do anything, she was gone.

"Wayne Fields was a good father; you could see it in the way he looked at his daughter." Emily sat in the front row of chairs. She was still amazed at how Hanna's words could be so deep knowing how she would usually speak. After three weeks of his father's death, Emily and Hanna Marin had grown closer together. It felt like they had known each other for ages. Even Spencer was already fond of her; she was spending a lot of time with the Montgomery family after she started staying with them when her family went to London to visit her sister Melissa and now, according to Hanna, they were Hannily and Sparia. "I remember that day," Hanna swallowed visibly. "About five years ago; I was riding my bike, I must say I was not good at it, I fell; I wouldn't stop falling." She smiled at the memory. "Then a kind man walked over to me. He did not offer his help, he just started shouting in this… comforting voice; 'You can do it, soldier, it's your last chance!' I remember I fell when he started shouting, but after a while, his words were not just words; they pushed me to keep trying. I never fell from my bike again. And if I could tell Mr. Fields something right now, I would say: 'Thanks for the push. I owe you one.' Thank you, Mr. Fields." Hanna lowered her face and walked back to her seat next to Emily and held her hand.

"I remember Mister Fields sitting next to my father, watching old soccer matches on Sundays. His daughter and I would play all day with my dolls, but when she came over alone, I must admit, it was not the same; something was missing" Emily could not believe a word Alison was saying. She looked over her shoulder and caught Spencer Hastings and Aria Montgomery with a similar expression as how she was feeling now. Emily turned her head back to Alison. "Goodbye, Mr. Fields. Hope to see you on the other side." Hanna let out an unbelievable sigh and Emily turned her head back to her and rolled her eyes referring to Alison.

"I know," Hanna whispered. "She deserves an Oscar, does she not?" Emily nodded with a sad smile on her face and saw another person walking to the front. It was her mother. At the end of what she had to say… of course Emily could not help but cry and Paige just stared at her… without Emily knowing, but being completely aware of it… she knew Paige was staring, she just subconsciously ignored it. She walked towards her mom and held her tight.

Emily tried not to let her tears spill when it was her turn to speak. Emily had felt Paige's eyes on her the whole ceremony… well all eyes on her actually, but Paige's burnt every other gaze in the room. It was so… intense.

Emily stood up and walked to the front. "I know most of you knew my father for his kindness… his sense of humor, his disposition to help anytime, anywhere and anyone." Emily started. Paige looked at her from the back of the room. Emily took a deep breath still trying to conceal her nervousness. She cleared her throat. "But as you should know…" Paige smiled reassuringly. "He was…" Emily felt her head pounding again. Everything turned around her. "He had this…" Her faintness started worrying everyone around her.

"Is everything alright?" Hanna mouthed from her seat.

Emily looked around and tried to catch that brown orbs.

Her ears buzzed as she was closer from fainting.

She kept looking for Paige's eyes.

She was finally letting go slowly.

Paige was gone from her sight.

She closed her eyes.

Emily had not let go yet but she was slipping away already. "Emily! Emily, Stay with me," That voice… Emily felt soft hand cupping her face and then slapping her softly. "Emily," said Paige. "Please, everyone give her space!" Emily barely heard her, but the fact that she did was the only thing that kept her holding on.

Paige's heart beat fast. _Please, Em, please don't let go, your mom is worried. I'm worried. _

Pam Fields got closer to her daughter. Paige turned to the older woman. "Please, just give her space, Ma'am," she quieted. "I promise I won't let anything happen to her." Pam had tears rushing down her face. "Please, Missis Fields, you are going to make her freak out even more, I need her tensions to ease. It will make her nervous system to go back to normal and that way she can stay with us; she is just fading, I need you to calm down." Pam took a deep breath and nodded rapidly but stayed knelt down next to her daughter. Paige looked at Pam reassuringly and then turned back to Emily and got close to her ear before holding her hand.

"Emily," whispered Paige. "It's me, Paige." She said. "I need you to hold on to my voice; please don't try to move to fast, just squeeze my hand as hard as you can when you feel like slipping away." She continued. "If you can hear me, shake your head. Slowly please." No response. "Okay then just try by squeezing my hand."

Emily put everything she had in squeezing Paige's hand but only got to hold it harder in a minor way.

Paige sighed in relieve. "Ma'am she had a concussion, did she not?" She looked at the woman.

Pam looked confused. "I wouldn't know," said she, her voice cracking. "She's been distant lately."

"If she did, it would not be good for her to fade out right now." Paige said still trying to keep calm.

The older woman's breath hitched. "Does anyone have a phone?"

"That won't be necessary," Paige said. "I will bring her back, I promise." She tried desperately to calm Pam down. "Ma'am, can I ask you something?" Pam nodded. "Has she had a lost expression lately?"

Pam's eyes darkened and she sighed. "Yes."

Paige's eyes opened wide. "Alright," She brought he lips closer to Emily's ear. "Em, are you still here?" She did not feel anything this time. "Emily." Nothing happened. "Please, don't do this to me," said she, her eyes already welling up with tears. "You will get worse if you don't come back right now." She waited and got closer to Emily holding her by her waist and keeping her hand in her own. "Please, Em," She tried to stop herself but she could not. "Please," Paige said. "I love you," she couldn't stop the words from getting out of her mouth and she shut her eyes closed. "Please."

Nobody heard what Paige was saying but she hoped Emily did. But as soon as Emily opened her eyes, Paige cleared her throat, got away and let go, leaving Pam to receive her daughter as she came back. Pam hugged Emily tight. Paige walked away slowly and got out of the place as fast as she could.

"McCullers!" It was Spencer Hastings who had chased after her. "Thank you."

Paige turned around. "It was a pleasure, Hastings." Spencer caught on the other girl's glossy eyes and nodded with a look of suspicion remaining on her face.

"Okay," Spencer said. "See you around."

"Sure," Paige replied and kept walking, her black dress waving behind her, until she reached the black jeep waiting for her.

She got in and Jeremy drove her home without knowing Emily Fields was all she thought about. She wanted to go back to her but she could not. She could not do that after what she had said. She just hoped Emily thought it had been her imagination. She had not seen her anyway so that was a huge possibility.

Ten weeks later, everything went from bad to even worse. Emily and Paige had not talked in… two months and a half. Paige could not believe it; it was not that Emily did, but she had been busy as hell trying to feel normal again.

The day of her father's funeral, Emily had walked to Paige's house and even if Jeremy's jeep was parked outside, she gathered all the courage it took for her to say thank you and so she did. Her mother told her what Paige had done for her and she was not willing to keep quiet like the dumbass she usually was and say nothing at all. However, when she knocked, Paige opened, said 'hi' and invited Emily inside to join her and Jeremy. They had a great time, Emily must admit, but jealousy did not leave her in the whole night.

Now, they barely smiled when they bumped into each other ̶ it had been two times ̶ or locked eyes as they laughed in English class. Emily felt hurt by Paige being so happy after the short while it had been, but she knew it was for the greater good. Paige had moved on. Emily could not change that. Still there was a part of Emily that hoped Paige still thought of her; and somewhere deep inside, loved her.


End file.
